Never Will

(10.13.09)
Everything I ever wanted
Was never made for me.
Its a gift I give to others.
To give my dreams
To those who don't even know
They were mine all along.

It's Not So Bad.

Sensible, I'd
think it was the way.
Your heart grew claws
that latched on to my skin
and I wore your obsession
like an overcoat that smells like
mothballs because I was ashamed
to wear it for so long.

And I wrote you
eighty page love notes filled with
all of my nonsensical prose just
so you'd never know exactly
what it is I dream.

And at night I'd pretend
you're lying next to me, a warm
presence for a stiff like me.
And for once my cheeks
would be rose and my
eyes a little lighter,
but in the morning
you're never there
and I am only
human
once again.

Creer

(10.05.09)
And I swear to God
I’m nothing like I used to be,
Covered in scars and razor-marks
The likes your band-aids
Would never cover.
And I am not the person
That you fell in love with
While we spouted Spanish
Adjectives
We found amusing at 16.
And I hold loneliness
Closer to my half-beating
Heart
Than I used to do in greater days.
You didn’t see me walk along the line
Where one side held
Hope and betrayal
And the other brought madness
And excitement to my door.
You didn’t see the battle
Raging every night inside my head.
You only saw the tears I blamed on other things.
So I hope you know
I’m not the one you think you love.
I’m only talented
In changing masks
At all of the right times.