I don’t know where it takes me. No, not when I think of you. I don’t know where it is my mind has wandered off to, but I find I like it less and less each day that goes by. I’m beginning to feel that everyday is a trap. Everyday I wake up with some sort of shabby made up positive countenance, and with each passing moment it crumbles down. Little by little.

I don’t mean to be so dramatic. I don’t even want anyone to know where it is my mind has gone with all its flights away from me. I really just wish someone could catch it. Mid-air…I’d like to see it grabbed out of that sky and given back to me and kept inside for good. For once.

Its just that there’s this empty spot inside of me that you created and that I’ve tried some days to ignore and others to pack it so tightly with things and people and feelings and places that don’t really matter and even other days I find myself lying in that void, absorbing all the nothingness of something that had once been everything.

I don’t want you and your impact on me to be the only thing I know. I don’t want that false love to be the only love I understand. I’d like to feel it and hold it just once. I desperately just want to know that love can be good.

I don’t understand the hurt that people bring to each other and to themselves. I don’t understand the need to bring other people down or to establish one as better than the others. I mean, in all honesty, we’re all the same.

Despite hair color, eye color, financial situation, body type, religious beliefs, political standing, education level, health, and a million other things about ourselves we like to think set us apart from everyone else, we’re all the same. We all need the same basic things. One day we’re all going to die. It doesn’t matter what made you unique. We all will encounter the same end.

So, no, I don’t understand. We’re all in this together. We should make it easier for each other. We should love freely, give freely, dole out compassion, empathy, sympathy, hope, prayer, love, dreams, money, food, hugs, etc. I don’t get the selfishness of people. I don’t know if I ever will.

So, yes. I want love. I want to give it away. I want someone to give it to me. I want to take that hole you carved inside of me and fill it with the most freely given, passionate, caring, hopeful, faithful love I could ever imagine. Because of you, I am selfish and needy for that. I don’t think I could ever settle for less again.

I hold out for it now. I don’t need to waste my time. Maybe it will be tomorrow. Maybe it will be when I’m sixty-five. I want the world to know it doesn’t matter when it happens, just that I hope it does.