I wonder what it's like to run away, so far away that you lose yourself entirely. Is there any place in the world so empty you wouldn't even fit inside? I'd like to go there if I could. Oh, if I could leave it all behind (including every inch of me I'd like to lose) I think I could find some semblance of me (some purer form than I could be) that isn't here.

I'd like to be remade. I'd like to die and be reborn - received - reconstituted - rehashed - released into the world. All new; shiny and clean and made for everything thrown into my hands. Could we live another life? If given the opportunity (let's be honest) who wouldn't want a second chance?

I find I am always with a scream at the back of my throat - weighing on all the words I'll never say. It wraps itself inside my body - so close to all my many parts I am nearly sure I'd die without. What if I let it loose? Would I cease to exist without that scream anchoring me to this earth? Sometimes I believe it is the only part of my humanity I have left.

I see people and I freeze. I no longer am present inside of myself. I think that's where the scream began. My last attempt to exist in a world that has no need for me. But, I hold it back and I hold it in. No one else needs to know what I keep inside.